I just wanted to post a quick random note covering a variety of topics.
1. Happy Memorial Day- Today I would like to make a memorial to the people who have passed on in my life. Especially my Grandpa who lived a sweet and peaceful life. He loved all people including me and I will always love him for that. He didn’t see me as his fat granddaughter but just his beautiful granddaughter. He is still my model for what I want to be like. I miss him every day and I am so grateful to have had him in my life. He is my angel.
Doesn't he seem so lovable?
I would also like to pay tribute to my sweet cousin Lisa who has passed on and my cousin Riley. I’m so grateful for my knowledge of eternal families and that those who have moved on are not gone forever. I will see them again and the reunion will be sweet.
2. I just wanted to give a quick update on my condition. My eye is still sore and I cannot completely open my eye. Each day it is hurting less and less. It is nice, with today being a holiday, I have one more day to heal before getting back to full time work. My mom isn’t here anymore to take care of me, which is a little sad, but I’m grateful to have had her for 5 days! My apartment feels quiet now that it is just me again. Even though I was recovering it was nice to have time to chat. It kept my mind off of the pain and kept me from touching my eye as much.
Anyway, its still sore, red and swollen but it gets better each day. I am also seeing double less. Hopefully I will continue to improve. I will see the doctor on Thursday and that will be the key to see if the surgery has been effective. Please keep those prayers coming. I don’t want to go through this again! Some people have to get the strabismus surgery 5 or 6 times! Hopefully I can just keep with the one surgery. The hardest thing is to not touch it. It itches and stings. I’m not the greatest at keeping away from it, but I’m doing my best. It really is irritating. Oh well! At least it is improving each day.
I think you can see some improvement; although, I still can't open my eye completely and it is sore and red. You can see how puffy it is from me rubbing it...Bad Rachel!here's a photo with a little more of my eye showing.by the end of the day the eye has become pretty swollen and squinting. Tried driving. Wasn't ready
I hope you all have a great Memorial Day. Please spend a moment to remember those that have passed on. I feel especially grateful to the servicemen who have died to protect freedom. There has been a high cost of freedom. Thank you with all my heart.
Wednesday- went into hospital at 9:45 and filled out forms and got registered. Once they called my name I went to the pre-op room. In this small room they go over the procedures and ask me a million questions, which will then be asked again and again throughout the day (my name, birthdate, what surgery I’m having, when was the last time I ate, etc). Next I had to get on my robe and other garments and get seated on the bed. Finally the nurses came in to try and ‘thread the IV’. Unfortunately I have very small veins and even drawing blood regularly takes a skilled phlebotomist several tries. Two different nurses tried on 5 pricks to no avail. (I took a photo of me with my hands all bandaged but it didn’t turn out.).
With no IV in they wheeled me into the operating room. Then I met the anesthesiologist who was a cheerful fellow who asked me more questions in a jolly way. Eventually he was able to thread the vein using a pediatric needle (I really do have small veins!). Then came the sleep…
Waking up from anesthesia is a weird experience. Its a foggy wake up where nothing makes sense. I immediately felt hot, sweaty and nauseated. In fact, within a minute I yelled for the nurse and threw up this thick gooey substance and it was all over me. (sorry for the overshare). She came and gave me a bag and tried to calm me down. At this point I wasnt even thinking about my eye. The nurse was able to change my robe and get me a hot cloth that helped sooth me and it was only then that I thought “ooh, my eye hurts!”. It hurts in a weird way. It kind of feels like a pressure mixed with a sting. Have you ever had a eye lash stuck in your eye? It feels a little like that but with all your eye lids.
this is my Doctor- Dr. Peterson. He did such a good job and is a very kind man.
After I was partly calm they moved me from post op to recovery where I could see my mom. What a welcome sight and to feel her hand on my hand. It was funny because she was so cold in the room that they gave her like 3 blankets. Me, on the other hand, was roasting- sweat sticking to the bed. The nurse tried to get me to drink cranberry juice and sprite but it was too sweet. I wish they had something better for diabetics besides sweet sodas. Finally I went with a diet pop but it didn’t help much. I tried to eat 2 crackers but did not feel well. After resting for many minutes (and receiving medicine through the iv) I was finally ready to put on my clothes which felt heavy against my sweaty, weary body. They rolled me out in a wheel chair and then I got into the car where I immediately got sick again and threw up.
Feeling awful we drove to the doctor’s office for the final adjustment to be done. I was nervous about this but with the anesthesia gel it wasn’t too bad. I told my doctor that getting my eye brow’s waxed hurts worse! He is such a good doctor and just a kind man. I am lucky to have found him. The nurse who helped us at the doctor’s had the same surgery but she told me she needed it 6 times throughout her life! I guess she was born with crossed eyes and it took many tries to get alignment. Wow! I can’t imagine going through this 6 times. She did also say that my doctor was the one who could finally get the alignment right. It seems like he is the best at this particular surgery and it is comforting to know you are in the hands of the best.
the patch helped for the first day
Finally after all that I could go home, take some lortab and rest. Surprisingly looking at a laptop up close was easier than a far-away tv. This is why I was able to post on facebook the day of the surgery. It was especially easy because I used a patch for the first day which helped me to focus and helped the eye to heal. Now things are fuzzier that I have to use both eyes.
My visiting teacher Brianna brought over Rumbi grill on Wednesday which I am so grateful for. Since we didn’t get home until after 4 it was so wonderful to have food brought to us. Thank you so much. She even made sure my mom had gluten-free sauce and that we all had brown rice.
Thursday- After a night of interrupted but good sleep I woke up feeling groggy and a little hung over from the anesthesia. I also felt tons of body aches after surgery. My neck, back and chest were all very sore. I felt like I had been in a car accident and was experiencing whiplash. My mom thinks it may be something to do with the position they put me in for operating. Who knows?
The whole rest of the day I wore the patch to help me see and to help me from poking at the eye. We decided my pirate name is One Eyed McGee. The eye hurt but there were also accompanying head aches that would take over my whole head. Thank goodness for Lortab! I just have 12 pills to get me through the worst of it because I know how dangerous it can be. On Thursday I was grateful for it. It was so nice having my mother here to talk with and help me take the medicine. The eye drops are very important and I have to remember to take them 4 times a day.
Friday- Most of the grogginess is gone and doctor says I have to take off the patch for the day. This makes things double and can be painful- particularly when my eye tries to move. It is more like a pressure accompanied by a bit of a sting. Still, there is definite improvement today. We decide to visit my grandma (I figured sitting there not that different from sitting in my apartment). That was a pleasant visit but I did get tired towards the end. I think it will take a couple of days to be back to my usual effervescent self!
Not wearing the patch is hard. I feel there is liquid coming and want to dab my eye or pick at it. It takes all of my strength to leave it alone. I don’t want infection to develop. I must admit that despite my best efforts the skin under my eye is a little raw from the gauze rubbing against it. today I must do better on that. It’s just very tempting but I really dont’ want an infection.
Saturday- Today I feel pretty good. I woke up with my eye caked over in fluid and the like, which I have read is common. I do feel the sting and the throbbing are a little better. I feel confident I should be able to drive tomorrow to take my mom to the airport. Today we are going to try going out with friends for lunch and maybe going to Ikea. We will see. Now I look like a one-eyed vampire. The strangest thing is I cannot open my right eye completely because of the sutures- so one eye looks big and the other freakishly small. Oh well! All part of the healing process.
Today I am transitioning off of lortab to Tylenol and ibuprofen. I know how dangerous lortab can be and do not want to become an addict. Still, it was nice to have for a few days to relieve pain.
I am confident of my healing moving forward. Thank you for all the support and encouragement I have received. Its been quite the journey but soon I will be able to see differently than ever before. I will be curious to hear your feedback about my eye contact and other things you see as improvements post surgery. My friend Melissa said she could already see a new alignment and that she thought I looked prettier! That made my day. Nothing like being told your pretty when you look like a one-eyed vampire! I really am curious to know if you see anything different in my face and how I interact with you. My eye contact should at least be better.
If any of you are going through surgery- particularly this surgery- know it will be rough but you will get through it. Lean on the support of those you loved and don’t be afraid to ask for help. I am so grateful to those who have helped me especially my Mom.
To healing and getting stronger each day! Please keep the prayers and thoughts coming. Love, Rachel
As I have mentioned before tomorrow I am going to have my strabismus surgery on my eye. As you might guess I am nervous and anxious for the entire thing to be over. Thank you in advance for the support and love during this ordeal and over the last 6 months.
At least today I had something else to focus on- my recital for voice lessons. This year I decided to sing My Favorite Things from the Sound of Music. I selected it because it is about finding the positive in negative situations- a theme I related to right now (Go figure right?).
It was a challenging song but I think it came out pretty good. Not my best performance but given the stress and lack of practice I’ve experienced lately I am happy.
The song is more challenging than you might at first think. (particularly the arrangement I used). The rhythm is tricky and perky acting was a bit hard, but I did the best I could.
Every once in a while I like to post a funny bit or joke that made me laugh. This seems especially appropriate this week as the world is still here and the rapture hasn’t started yet! If wackos can teach us anything it is to soak up each moment and laugh as much as possible.
In addition on Wednesday I am having eye surgery for my strabismus problem. If anyone is available Thursday or Friday come by and visit. I would love visitors. I honestly don’t know how much pain I will experience or what it will feel like but I am sure it will not be pleasant. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I think any surgery should make someone nervous. There are always risks but I’m confident in my doctor and everything should be fine. Keep me in your prayers and seriously come over for a visit!
This joke I admit is a little sexist but I thought it was funny so enjoy! (By the way, I think these could all be reasons I should stay away from home or car repairs). Part of the reason I rent is that every home repair I’ve attempted has been a royal disaster!At my Dad’s homes particularly water problems have been such a nightmare. Everything from sprinklers, main drains and other flooding has occurred.
It honestly makes me want to never be a home owner. What a hassle! At least with renting most damage I do is not my responsibility but the landlords!
Anyway, enjoy something that made me chuckle. Hope to hear from you this week! (Phone calls will also be great!)
Signs that Your Guy Should Not Be Wielding a Set of Tools
Post-it notes stay up longer than the tiles he installed.
Your baby’s first word is “Fire!”
Everyone in the emergency room yells, “Norm,” when he walks in!
He gets frustrated assembling the toys that come in the kids’ cereal boxes.
The first thing every guest says upon entering your house is, “You smell smoke?”
He threw out three new drill bits before he realized the drill was set on reverse.
He tried to convince you that the unsteady rocking motion of the ceiling fan he installed is an oscillation feature.
The fire department made a special trip to your house to confiscate his wire strippers.
He wallpapers the room without removing the pictures first.
After tuning up your car, he insists that running on three cylinders saves gas.
Your neighbors stopped loaning him tools for fear of being named “accessories.”
Home depot employees all chipped in to hire him a handy man
My sister did this fun writing prompt on her blog:
Write something that includes all of the following words:
WHISPER
DREAM
and…get ready for this…
GOPHER
It can be one sentence, a few sentences or a short story. Post it in the comments.
I think this could be awesome. I would just love to hear what crazy ways people come up with to combine these three words. If people actually do it (go blog readers, go!), I will make it a regular feature.
Here’s mine:
It was nothing but a couple of words said in a scratchy whisper, but it was enough to make Katie Lou dive back behind the woodpile faster than a fleeing gopher. She held her breath and hoped that they didn’t see her. I must be dreaming, she thought. I just have to be
—–
I love writing and I thought the challenge was fun. This is the story I came up with. It is silly and unedited but I enjoyed writing it. What do you think?
Prompt
Some have described working in a newsroom as controlled chaos but I don’t know if that is accurate. It is more a collection of tedious details interrupted by spurts of insanity. As a girl I used to watch movies like His Girl Friday dream of cracking the big story (and ending up with Cary Grant never hurt the imagination).
Even through internships and my blissful days as an undergrad I maintained the illusion of the noble journalist. Now in my first year as a copy editor for WBGY Afternoon News in Boston I was filling my days with reading stories for the night’s broadcasts and switching ‘affect’ to ‘effect’.
The only bright spot in my day was when Tom, nicknamed the Gopher for his ability to find any file now matter how deep in boxes it was entombed, would lean over and whisper in my ear “Take Hitler and stick him on the funny page.” This is of course a quote from His Girl Friday. He would smile and I would blush. In our training I may have mentioned a few 200 times how much I loved this movie and how ‘they don’t make ‘em like that anymore’. What a stupid thing to say! Who talks like that! Oh well. The truth is I was kind of flattered he remembered my references and maybe one of these days I’d have the guts to ask him over to watch it with me. We could talk, laugh…
Ok. Back to work. Sometimes I think Tom liked getting the gopher jobs because it allowed him to get away from our boss Cheryl who both had crush on Tom and made life miserable for him. I’m not sure how that is possible but she made it her daily objective. A first year employee wants to strike a careful balance between blending in so no one see’s your inexperience, but standing out just enough to get promoted. Tough to do when the boss is crushing on you!
“Cindy” my boss’s shrill voice yells out ‘do you understand the meaning of the word preposition”
Grumbling I think “Enough to know you just used one”.
“What’s that?” I reply.
“Your work is sloppy. Get it together. Without all of us working at 100%, A+ level, we will never be number 1 now will we?”
This is how Cheryl treated her employees like 5th graders in a school play. My prideful spirit wanted to yell out
“Maybe you could do your job better…jerk!”
But instead I nodded “of course. I will try to do better”.
“That’s the terrifimundo attitude!”
I roll my eyes and look longingly at Tom. Maybe I can learn to be a gopher?
“I have a story for you and Tom to work on” Cheryl says out of the blue.
“Really?” I can’t help but blurt out. It was a good thing I wasn’t drinking my morning soda or I might have sprayed all over her posh suit.
“Don’t get too excited. Our regular staff is overwhelmed with the election and we need someone to cover the senior center opening on 5th. Senator Neil is going to be making a speech so we need team coverage…Get on it”.
In spite of myself I give Cheryl a hug and bolt for the back room.
“Did you hear the news? We’ve got a story!!” I exclaimed to Tom.
Smiling he gave subdued ‘All right!’
“When do you want to get together to go over the details” I asked.
“How about Friday but what would you think to watching His Girl Friday first?” He smiles and gives me a wink.
“Sounds good ‘you great big bubble-headed baboon’”…
So I just wanted to do a quick post to update how my second run of Victoza is going. To my shock I have responded well! I have only had one day of nausea and no vomiting (thank goodness for that!). I guess the doctor was right (go figure?). Perhaps I did have a stomach virus when I tried the Victoza before. I was skeptical because it seemed like such a coincidence but with such a great response this time I’m beginning to believe.
Not that I have had no side effects. My appetite has been low but that’s not too bad when it isn’t coupled with the nausea. I have also been a little bit weak and tired. Let’s just say it has not been my best 2 weeks exercise-wise. At least I’ve been meeting with my trainer weekly so that’s helped. Not every week will be a perfect exercise week. The most important thing is to consistently keep exercise in my life, and that I have done. Yesterday I went swimming and it felt great! Today I’m meeting with Michelle for a session so that should be good. (I will probably be sore later on).
Anyway, I had so many comments on my ‘Victoza is Evil‘ post that I felt I must own up to my better response this time. Hopefully it continues and I will feel well for weeks to come. The last two weeks have been great and I feel very hopeful for the future.
Next Wednesday is my strabismus surgery. I’m a little nervous but my doctor is a pro (this is the main surgery he does in his career) and I feel confident in his skills. This is my doctor:
There are always risks in surgery but the greatest risk in this surgery is possibly needing follow up surgeries later on. On the plus side my mom is coming to help me! She will be here from Tuesday to Saturday. Being from a family of 6 it is a rare treat to have my mom all to myself, almost worth going through surgery for!
The doctor expects there to be 2 days of the most pain with it lessening each day, with most of it being gone by a week’s time. However, my eye will be red for several months. The doctor said ‘now would not be a good time to get married. All your photos will have red eye!”. Obviously that is not an issue for me but I will have red eye in Hawaii. Oh well! A small price to pay…
Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts. I am sure I will love calls as I recuperate but I probably will be off the internet for several days because I won’t be able to see out of one eye. Thank you in advance for your love and support.
Also, I am going to be taking a couple days off of my meds and would love treats, food and especially company. Please come by for a visit if it is at all possible. Love you all!
So I’ve been doing a lot of posts lately. What can I say? I’ve had a great week and am getting back to myself! Thank goodness. I have even been back on the victoza for a week and been having a good response! No nausea. Hurray! Cross fingers it will continue.
That said- I would like to confess an addiction. I love reality tv. Now when I say reality tv I am not referring to the Jersey Shore, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Jon and Kate Plus 8 style of shows (never gotten into those).
What I like are the reality competition shows. I say this fully admitting the shows are stilted and cast for character types but I still find them entertaining. They are kind of addicting. Once you start watching you want to know who is going to win. I’m just a sucker!
Here are some that I like and I will try to explain why:
Survivor- Today was the end of the 22nd season of Survivor. I have not watched every season but have followed the last 5 or 6 seasons. I guess this is what you would call a guilty pleasure. I’m not even going to defend it on any level. It does prey on the worst in human nature and the editing is manipulative; however, I just find it entertaining.
I like guessing who is going to win. Who has the best strategy? Who is going to win the social game? Who will the jury pick? Will they play the idol? Sometimes I have no idea who will win (Survivor: All Stars- who picked Sandra?) and other times I know from practically day one (this season Rob was the clear winner. Everyone else seemed like a total pawn, amateurs).
Like I said. I’m not going to defend it. I just enjoy it.
Project Runway- Another show which completely casts for characters not talent, but it is still amazing what the designers do. The challenges are insane.
I know its ridiculous, but I just find it addicting watching talented people make outfits out of grocery store objects, items from a car, dresses out of paper or outfits made of flowers. Who thinks of these things?
In addition, unlike America’s Next Top Model (a show I never got into. Tyra is so annoying) it actually creates successful designers (has there been one truly top model out of ANTM?). I think Christian Siriano is the most successful winner but he was also a part of the best, most competitive season.
My favorite challenge of Project Runway was season 2. The entire dress had to be flowers/plants!
Amazing Race- My last favorite is the Amazing Race. This is the show I want to be on some day. I think it would be so much fun to travel around the world doing crazy challenges.
When I get in super good shape I want to sign up and my dream is to go with my Dad. He would be a great partner. He is so good at maps, orienteering, puzzle solving and anything athletic. Plus, I think it would be an awesome bonding experience.I don’t think a father-daughter team has ever won. Who knows?
Something I like about the Amazing Race is that you do not have to be mean to win the game. While there is some strategy involved, it seems like usually a really nice team wins the game. Because it doesn’t involve voting the strategy is not quite as fierce. In the end its about who crosses the finish line first.
This season was a great All Star season and Keisha and Jen won. I kind of wanted the Cowboy’s to win but the girls seemed very nice too. It was a great win particularly when you think about the fact they lost last time because Jen had to go to the bathroom before checking in!
The one thing I wonder about is how in the heck do they come up with these challenges? I would like to see a behind the scenes episode of The Amazing Race. It would be interesting to know how they decide where to go and what the road block and detours are. The two most memorable to me are the watermelon catapult from the previous season and the needle in the haystack in Poland. Crazy!
One last thing about the Race. Do not go on the Amazing Race if you are scared of heights or water. Every season there are challenges for both without fail and every season there is someone moaning and groaning. Although, I can’t really talk because I’m sure my fear of animals would be seriously put to the test. Bring it on!
Anyway, that’s my confession…what’s your secret tv guilty pleasure? Come on. We all have one!
fat shame: stigma and the fat body in American Culture by Amy Erdman Farrell
I want to tell everyone about a book I am obsessed with- Fat Shame: Stigma and the Fat Body in American Culture by Amy Erdman Farrell. In this amazing book Farrell goes back two hundred years into the history of what she calls ‘fat denigration’. In other words, being ‘fat’ has become a way of dismissing people for a variety of reason that have nothing to do with health. Even more interesting she examines the history of the diet and anti-obesity movements to show how the have always been about profit rather than health.
The Goodreads description summarizes the book well:
“Tracing the cultural denigration of fatness to the mid 19th century, Amy Farrell argues that the stigma associated with a fat body proceeded any health concerns about a large body size. Firmly in place by the time the diet industry began to flourish in the 1920s, the development of fat stigma was related not only to cultural anxieties that emerged during the modern period related to consumer excess, but, even more profoundly, to prevailing ideas about race, civilization and evolution. For 19th and early 20th century thinkers, fatness was a key marker of inferiority, of an uncivilized, barbaric, and primitive body. This idea—that fatness is a sign of a primitive person—endures today, fueling both our $60 billion “war on fat” and our cultural distress over the “obesity epidemic.
Farrell draws on a wide array of sources, including political cartoons, popular literature, postcards, advertisements, and physicians’ manuals, to explore the link between our historic denigration of fatness and our contemporary concern over obesity. Her work sheds particular light on feminisms’ fraught relationship to fatness. From the white suffragists of the early 20th century to contemporary public figures like Oprah Winfrey, Monica Lewinsky, and even the Obama family, Farrell explores the ways that those who seek to shed stigmatized identities—whether of gender, race, ethnicity or class—often take part in weight reduction schemes and fat mockery in order to validate themselves as “civilized.” In sharp contrast to these narratives of fat shame are the ideas of contemporary fat activists, whose articulation of a new vision of the body Farrell explores in depth. This book is significant for anyone concerned about the contemporary “war on fat” and the ways that notions of the “civilized body” continue to legitimate discrimination and cultural oppression.”
I don’t know if I an explain it any better. It is brilliant book and has validated many feelings I have held since I was a little girl. I can’t agree with Farrell more when she says:
“we often associate certain diseases with specific types of personalities, blaming the victims and shaming them into silence. In a similar vein I would argue that we have imposed equally dangerous cultural meanings onto fatness. Fatness in the United States ‘means’ excess of desire, of bodily urges not controlled, of immoral, lazy and sinful habits. Much more than a neutral description of a type of flesh, fatness caries with it such stigma as propels us to take drastic extreme measures to remove it”
She then goes into various dangerous measures some go to rid themselves of their ‘fat shame’. “Clearly, fatness is a discrediting attribute for which people will go to extraordinary extremes to eliminate. One has only to think of tape worms and arsenic of the early 20th century or the debilitating gastric bypass surgery of today to recognize these extreme measures. It is a physical stigma or an ‘abomination of the body,’ one that is clearly visible. Fat people cannot hide their stigma…Because our culture assigns many meanings to fatness beyond the actual physical trait- that a person is glutinous, or filling a deeply disturbed psychological need, or irresponsible and unable to control primitive urges- it also has the traits of a ‘character stigma’…fat people are treated as not quite human, entities to whom the normal standards or polite and respectful behavior do not apply.”
There are so many examples from pop culture of fat stigma it is hard to know where to start. Everything from Chris Farley to Homer Simpson reiterate that fat=stupid, lazy and incompetent. (I love the Simpsons btw). Even a child’s film like Walle reinforces that fat people are irresponsible, lazy and idol.
Now there may be some of you who think ‘she’s reinforcing unhealthy obesity’ but she’s not. She is meticulously chronicling the history of what it means to be fat in America. Our society puts all kinds of limits and stereotypes on overweight individuals including ‘the unfair treatment they receive in employment, medical care, and social life.”
She also shows a number of studies that argue with the direct link between fatness and ill health. “They (diet establishment) argue that studies with headlines that tout the ‘dangers of obesity’ usually demonstrate that a sedentary lifestyle and a diet of processed food result in ill health; and that a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and an active lifestyle will improve health, but it may or may not result in weight loss”
Even presentations that on the surface seem to encourage the right kind of weight loss, like the show ‘Biggest Loser’, subtly make the connection of weight loss and increased health. They also subliminally imply an individual who does not lose weight is a ‘loser’ in their quest for health.
The most impactful part of the book for me is a study she mentions by UC Davis.
“In this study, a group of fat women was divided into 2 groups, one receiving coaching in restrictive eating (diet) and exercise, the other being encouraged to eat a healthy diet, listen to their bodies cues, to foster ways to engage in fun exercise and take part in a fat acceptance discussion group. Significantly group 1- the traditional diet/exercise group- initially lost weight, but by the end half had dropped out; most had regained weight; blood pressure, cholesterol, and other metabolic measures had not improved and self-esteem levels had dropped. In contrast, group 2 hadn’t lost any weight, but most stayed with the 2 year program; their blood pressure, cholesterol, and other metabolic measures had improved dramatically; their self-esteem levels increased substantially; and they exercised regularly. Encouraged to pay attention to their bodies, to stop restricting calories, to fight the discrimination they experienced as fat people, and to enjoy their bodies through physical movement and eating well- the non-dieters showed significant health improvements. But, and this is the key point, they never became thin.”
Please forgive the long quote but isn’t that fascinating? I was blown away. It reminded me of why I started this whole journey. Losing weight was part of it but a small part. I wanted to have more energy, to be able to do more of the athletic activities I saw around me. I may still weigh over 250 lbs but there is no doubt I am healthier now than I was a year ago. This was such a great revelation for me because I was becoming too focused on the weight loss- seeing it as the full marker of my success. The fact I hadn’t lost the 100 lbs in one year, despite practically killing myself, made me feel frustrated and a little depressed. (I might add that these feelings were entirely self-imposed as I have received nothing but praise and encouragement from family and friends).
For some reason I have always found it comforting to read about the history of philosophies and trends. Through understanding how our culture got to where it is helps me understand those around me and my own feelings at the same time. It was this sense of understanding the world that caused me to eat up philosophy and political science books in college and it is something I still love to this day. Farrell’s book helped me to understand my own feelings of inadequacy in a new way and to finally get why a nation saw me as a fat person through a particular lens. After all, they’ve had over 200 years to develop these bad habits and judgements!
It also makes me want to prove the haters wrong and be a shining light to those who feel depressed over their weight. I want them to know they do have value, even if society says they are worthless. I see the worth. I know how hard it is to get healthy, but getting healthy should be the goal and if weight loss comes with, so be it!
Here’s a clip of Amy Farrell on the Colbert Report talking about her book.
I couldn’t embed it because of comedy central’s copyright.
I know this is a long post but I really wanted to get the word out on this book. It is a bit academic (incredibly well researched) but I wish that everyone would read it.
First of all, I want to apologize for my last post. I was trying to make a nuanced point about how couples can forget about their single friends. This can be very painful. No one likes to be forgotten and left behind. Unfortunately, I think the post came across differently than I hoped. Sorry about that. What good is a blog without a few controversial entries!
Moving on…
I had a great experience yesterday. Well, it started out not so great. On Monday I was at my apartment trying to nurse away a splitting headache. I felt like my head was about to explode. Every noise, every motion felt amplified a hundred times. These headaches are a side affect to the victoza (which btw I have started taking again with, cross fingers, much better results. I’ve never had a migraine but from what I’ve heard the symptoms are similar to what I was feeling Monday.
For those of you who do not know I live on the top floor of a two-story apartment building. Over the years I’ve had a number of people move in beneath me (for a long time it was an Indian couple that didn’t speak English but they had a baby which sure knew how to cry!). A few weeks ago a new woman moved in and with all the medical chaos I had not gotten around to meeting her yet.
I did notice that she liked to play loud music at night (I found out later that it wasn’t music but her work out tape). Most of the time I do not care about the music but Monday it was like a sledgehammer. I decided to go down there and ask politely for her to turn the music down. I rang the doorbell and she basically said ‘what’d you want?’. I was a little flustered and asked her to turn down the music but didn’t mention my headache or anything else. She then looked very annoyed and told me that my washing machine keeps her up at night. I told her I’d stop running it late and I was sorry.
Anyway, it was an awkward exchange and I felt guilty for being rude. Plus, I didn’t want her to think I was a snoopy neighbor who would whine at the slightest music. It was just this particular moment that I needed the quiet. So, after giving it some thought I decided to write her a note apologizing and explaining the situation. I also said I was sorry for the washer and to please let me know if I am inadvertently causing problems or nuisances.
I left the note at her house and figured I did all I could to remedy the situation. You can only imagine how thrilled I was when later that evening the neighbor and her son appeared at my door with muffins and their own apology note. She said “I am the one who owes you an apology. Very sorry. hope you are feeling better. Let me know if you ever need anything.” This melted my heart and then we got to talk and introduce ourselves to each other.
One of the hardest things in life is to take a negative situation and turn into a positive. It is hard but also so rewarding. I feel like we were able to take something awkward and contentious and turn into something happy and reaffirming. Two people were willing to let go of their pride and become stronger as a result.
I’m grateful for the experience and will try to reach out and forgive more readily in the future.
I have a friend that I love who recently put up a blog post about her feelings on selfishness and her new relationship. She said as a single person she has lived a selfish life and now with a boyfriend she has to take into account the feelings of another person.
While these feelings are completely valid and authentic I had to scratch my head a bit. From my perspective single’s are forced into being less selfish than their married counterparts.
Here’s what I mean…when you are single you are self-sufficient only to a point. You rely on the outside community for emotional, spiritual and other support. In my experience my friends and family become my backbone because I have no other partner to lean on- they are my partner.
Again in my experience almost all married people I know (at least for a while) become more insular and isolated after marriage than they were as singles. With a few exceptions, most of my friends fall off the face of the earth as soon as they get engaged or married. Is this not also a form of selfishness?
I’ve even had a friend who I was a bridesmaid at her wedding and you know how many times we have gotten together in the two years since? Twice. (and she lives in my apartment complex!). I tried calling at first but eventually gave up. I still love her and chat with her when we happen to meet; however, I have been disappointed in her lack of friendship. I wish I could say such experiences were unique or rare.
I rely on my friends. They are my support system, so when one of them drops me it breaks my heart.
Selfishness is defined as “stinginess resulting from a concern for your own welfare and a disregard of others”. In my experience, married people are much stingier with their time and resources than the singles I know. (this is with or without kids). Shouldn’t finding love make you more open to relationships not more isolated? I’ve always been confused by this?
Perhaps as Mormon’s we focus so much on family that people forget the value of friendship. If there is any doubt on the church’s stand check out President Henry B. Eyring’s talk on friendship. He says:
“All of us will be tested. And all of us need true friends to love us, to listen to us, to show us the way, and to testify of truth to us so that we may retain the companionship of the Holy Ghost. You must be such a true friend.”
I understand that the single lifestyle has some selfish aspects. For example, I don’t have to ask anyone’s opinion when I order a pizza. I can get whatever toppings I want. I can watch whatever movie I want to watch at night, spend any money I have to spend, and I have complete control of the remote control! However, I think where it really counts we can be remarkably unselfish and sometimes we aren’t given enough credit for that. We can be the most loyal, loving, service-oriented people in our churches, communities and families.
I suppose both groups have the potential to be selfish. We all do! Isn’t it interesting how selfishness is the only sin which could apply to each of the seven deadly sins? There are some economists who will try to persuade you that selfishness is a good thing (Ayn Rand anyone?). Maybe in economic theory this is true (I believe strongly in the free market) but in regular every-day life and interactions with others it leads to misery- married or single.
I will be very curious for thoughts on this topic. Please add your comments!
Rachel's Musings 