“How prone all human institutions have been to decay; how subject the best-formed and most wisely organized governments have been to lose their check and totally dissolve; how difficult it has been for mankind, in all ages and countries, to preserve their dearest rights and best privileges, impelled as it were by an irresistible fate of despotism.”

James Monroe

In writing this post I must own that as a 35 year old woman I may come across as incredibly naive. Some may laugh at my ever being so foolish as to believe in such noble concepts. But today I’m here to tell you that this woman’s idealism has been wounded perhaps beyond repair in this election cycle but even before then.

You see friends I used to believe in something called public service. I knew there were certainly egos and narcissists in our government, but I was pedestrian enough to believe this was a loud minority. I believed that a majority of our leaders saw a need, an opportunity to serve and chance to do something more for the world than they might have in the private sphere.

Part of my reason for believing this was the lessened salaries most of these Ivy league graduates could receive in public service. Even something like the presidency doesn’t pay near what the men of that position would have earned in a different occupation.

Of course it is easier to believe the side I agree with is full of noble intentions and the opposite point of view is suspect, but I have always been one that defended the indefensible. Yes for years I stood up for politicians!  It was understandable to me that a person like John Edwards could place himself over the good of the country or any number of other narcissistic scandals could exist but I could ignore them as disgusting outliers.

When other people ragged on our representatives both national and local, I said “at least they were out there fighting and trying to make a difference.” I worked on campaigns. I even made calls and went door to door on occasion because I really believed in these people.  How foolish do I sound now.

I’m not speaking for anyone else but myself. I just wanted to say that I don’t believe them any more.

In the last few weeks I have seen one representative after another compromise their principles to support both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. If they believe they are good candidates than that I can understand and support that, but it is the public maneuvering to save face that makes me sick.

For example, congressman Jason Chaffetz, who I at one point had a ‘political crush’ on went in under a week from saying “he couldn’t look his daughter in the eye” and endorse Donald Trump to tweeting out “I will not defend or endorse Donald Trump but I am voting for him”

Shame on him. This is not the politics of public service. This is politics as political maneuvering to try and save face. A public statement of who you are voting for is an endorsement Mr Chaffetz whether you like to call it that or not.

He is not alone. Now after Hillary Clinton has been put back under investigation by the FBI liberals like Paul Krugman have gone from saying Trump’s allegations of media bias and a rigged system are outrageous to making the same claims about Hillary Clinton’s treatment. Nancy Pelosi said it was “partisan conspiracy-mongering.” Evidently only liberals are allowed to throw out conspiracies…

Other people may buy into one side or the other but I don’t any more. They are all spin doctors. They are all out to protect themselves more than what is good for our country.

They have all forgotten PUBLIC SERVICE!

You can call me a cynic but that’s really how I feel. They are supposed to be serving us. They are supposed to be looking out for us. Instead all they care about is themselves, their careers, and how it impacts their precious party.

I personally was proud of Senator Ted Cruz for being the one Republican to not endorse Donald Trump at the GOP Convention. This to me showed integrity. How wrong I was when mere weeks later he was answering phones and working for Trump.

Since then I have seen one leader after another fail to make a stand or compromise where they know they shouldn’t be.

It reminds me of the scripture story where Esau sells his birthright to his brother for a mess of pottage. When all this is said and done they will have either failed to speak up or actively spoken for something and someone unfit to stand with their own daughters let alone lead our country. They sold their birthright for pottage of momentary consensus and inclusion.

Yes, the third party candidates do give me a sense of hope but they are the minority and it is easier to be brave when you do not face the peer pressure of the bullying sheep.

This is not a sudden realization for me but something that has been brewing for a long time. Back in 2009 I joined with other concerned citizens to protest the bank bailouts and other insane spending by our representatives. The tea party protests were the most inspiring and patriotic experiences I’ve had in my life.

Back then I believed that the representatives would listen and at least some of them were true public servants. Then I spent the next 7 years being treated like a terrorist, and radical by the very party that I was supposedly in allegiance with.

Representative by representative, leader by leader has fallen into a sea of self-interest since those days of protest in 2009. And now I just don’t trust any of them and perhaps that is the healthiest place to be in.

Gone are my illusions of public service and that elected officials were for the most part trying to do what is right.

I don’t believe in them any more.