Hey everyone! I hope you are enjoying a great Valentines Day. This is a holiday which can be challenging for single adults like myself. To try and embrace the holiday … Continue reading Happy Valentines 2019
Tag: single living
I Have a Wonderful Life
Merry Christmas friends! I’ve had a wonderful Christmas Eve. I worked out with my trainer, did some boxing and then went to Cinemark Draper to see It’s a Wonderful Life on the big screen- one of my all time favorite movies. In the movie, George Bailey makes sacrifices for his friends over and over again. Life in return gives him many great moments but it also asks him to keep sacrificing He finally reaches a breaking point where he can’t give another inch and is about to give up on life. It’s then that God intervenes, sends down Clarence and shows him what all that sacrificing meant to people.
Granted the life without George Bailey may be a little stark. I for one have not saved anyone’s life or stopped someone from poisoning another person, so my ‘life without me’ might not be a hell hole of debauchery and despair! However, we have to also remember that they were dealing with a man about to kill himself so subtlety might not have worked. I mean if they had shown him life being relatively the same that would be even more of a reason to jump off a bridge!
The thing that struck me today as I rewatched the film on Christmas Eve is how George was missing all the goodness given to him and focusing on the sacrifices. It was only when he stepped out of himself and saw things from another’s point of view he realized how precious not only his friends were but his life was as well. How easy is it to focus on the things you do not have, the trips you wish you could take, the spouse you wish you could have, the friends you wish you hung out with etc. Instead we should focus on the many things we do have in our life and the important role we all play to each other- even if it is not as dramatic as George Bailey and the citizens of Bedford Falls!
I guess I was thinking about this because I am alone on Christmas again. I did spend Christmas Eve with my Grandma and other relatives and some of my family come to town on the 27th, but Christmas Day I am alone. While it certainly wouldn’t be my choice, I am going to try and focus on the many people I have in my life and how good God has been to me this year.
In that spirit, I want to say thanks to all of you. I admit this year I have been a bit more divided between the two blogs and the youtube channel, but hopefully I’ve still provided good content to this blog. I have certainly loved writing the more personal, eclectic entries here. You all add so much to my life. That’s not just lip service but true. Thank you! I hope I add some small something to yours.
I hope you feel love this Christmas Day and know that ‘no man is a failure who has friends’- even online friends!
Merry Christmas and God bless you
A Single but Full Christmas
Keeping up 2 blogs is sometimes a challenge. It feels like I just wrote in this one and then I look and it’s been 6 days! Sorry about that. Make sure to check out the other blog for Scrooge month. I think you will all really enjoy it and I would love your feedback and comments.
I don’t know if I mentioned it on this blog but this year will be my second Christmas I have spent away from my family. The first time was Christmas 2012 while I was waiting for my house to finish. That was an incredibly stressful time and honestly my family was better off with me far away from them because I was a worried mess!
Plus, it was so stressful living out of boxes and never knowing if I was moving in a week, a month, whatever (ended up closing on the house January 31st when they had originally told me 12/31. It was made even more stressful because my roommate and tenants were also waiting to move in and the weather was awful.
This year is much different. I have had a very full Christmas season. Name it I’ve done it. From watching every holiday film I can put my hands on (and blogging about many of them), decorating 2 trees, outside decor, cookie swap and baking, shopping, singing with choir and for RS party, and more. I LOVE my trees this year and have gotten so much pleasure out of looking at them and all the memory ornaments and smiling.
I have also watched my share of cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies and eaten delicious food. I have plans for Christmas Day breakfast at my home teachers and then will go see Into the Woods (can’t wait).
Things are exciting at work with lots going on and it’s been fun having my first Christmas with my new job. They are just the best!
I do sometimes feel a little sad being alone for Christmas. I’m human just like anyone else. I particularly miss having children to share the holidays with (although my presents for my nieces is awesome!). I’ve long said most of us are chasing the holidays we had as youth and it can never quite live up to that magic as an adult. That’s ok. So is life.
So, yes I am human and do feel sad and lonely on occasion but I also feel incredibly blessed. Now I am just crossing my fingers that the sore throat I’ve been having doesn’t morph into a full blown sickness like I had last year. Please no! My favorite mission companion is coming for New Years and I am soooo excited! The last thing I want is to be sick for her visit!
It’s also nice my roommate is staying here for Christmas and my tenants are also very festive (we technically have 3 trees in my house! Happy day!).
So it is a single Christmas but it is also a very full and blessed Christmas. As a single person I lose out on some of the magic of the season but I also have an ability to focus on what really matters that is tough when you have little one’s to shop for and entertain. I am grateful for that focus in my life.
What is your Christmas looking like? If you are single how do you manage the holidays? How do you deal with sadness or loneliness? What are your favorite traditions to celebrate for just you (a lot of traditions we do for other people so what’s the most important for you and why?).
I would love to hear your stories and wish you all a Merry Christmas!
(Some of the graphics on this post are just trying to have a little sense of humor about my situation. Don’t take them to seriously!)
No Fear of Being Alone
Recently I was talking to a single friend of mine about my Thanksgiving plans and telling him I was going to be solo this year. He seemed horrified by this notion. Technically I will eat Thanksgiving meal at my aunts house (but wasn’t planning on that at the time of this conversation).
I told him that it was fine with me and I am okay being alone. I told him ‘I am comfortable in my own skin’ and he said ‘I wouldn’t be. It would kill me’.
I guess it’s a normal reaction to being alone on Thanksgiving and some years it would make me sad, but this year I’m ok. I was actually a little bit more sad to be facing Halloween alone (ended up having a great time with 2 couples my friends Danielle and Cory, and Rachel and Grant). The reason I was sad about missing Halloween is that it used to be a highlight of the year with my friends. We would throw a big party, dress up and just have a blast.
I guess the reason I get a little nostalgic for Halloween and New Years is that I know it’s a time that is gone from my life. My friends are almost all married. Like seriously I have 4 or 5 single friends on my phone and they are usually so busy. Even book club has become impossible of late. I get it. I understand people have to be with their little one’s on Halloween and New Years but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss all the good times with friends.
With Thanksgiving I know next year I will likely be with my family and the year after that and onward. There isn’t a feeling of devastation because it’s just a day and like I said I do have friends and family to share the day with.
If you are alone on Thanksgiving and want to still cook a turkey dinner make sure to check out my Thanksgiving for one article I posted last year on my friend Samantha’s awesome food blog.
http://littleferrarokitchen.com/2013/11/thanksgiving-1-guest-post-smilinglds-girl/
This year I am going to order a Thanksgiving meal from Harmons (a local grocery) that make delicious food so that I have some thanksgiving food besides the meal at my aunts. (My knee isn’t quite up to preparing feasts yet)
Anyway, this conversation about being alone at Thanksgiving and my friend being so horrified at the idea made me think about my life. I am alone a lot. Even though I have a roommate and tenants we don’t really get to sit down and spend time together that often. It’s so much effort to get together with friends but I am a very social person and I do make that effort, but still I am often alone.
Many people have a fear or social anxiety about eating alone or going to the movies alone . Eating I get a little bit because you don’t have anyone to talk to but I do not understand why people care about going to the movies alone? You can’t talk in the movies so unless you are there with your honey and can snuggle I don’t see the value in having another person accompany you to the movies? Please someone explain why that is such a social faux pas?
In fact, I realized today that all the movies I have been to this year have been alone. I have seen in the theater- Boyhood, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Ghostbusters, Meet the Mormons, Edge of Tomorrow, Guardians of the Galaxy, Book of Life and The Boxtrolls and Big Hero 6. None of those experiences were hurt by being alone? I don’t get it?
But anyway, I feel like there is this anxiety many feel about being alone. My Mother gets very nervous being alone .In fact, she has probably spent under 5 nights in her whole life alone without family of some kind with her. That blows my mind. She’s very fortunate that life has worked out that way for her.
I would love to have my own family and fall in love but that’s not the cards God has dealt me. My job is to be as happy as I can be with the life I have. And never forget I am surrounded by amazing people. Whether it is reaching out to someone on phone, Facebook, twitter, this or my disney blog, my channel, or someone in my ward there is no shortage of people who care and love me. That’s the great part about being single in this day and age.It is so easy to not feel lonely even if you are alone.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days. I do. I have days where I feel sad and bemoan the fact I may never have my own children or a great love story. It may happen but it may not. I’m a human being just like anyone else and I express the full range of human emotions at different times of my life.
But I can confidently say being alone is not a fear for mine. It is the reality of my life and I always know that with God I am never truly alone.
So if you are alone this holiday season know that you have a friend here at this blog and on social media who knows how you are feeling- both on your good days and bad. I get it. I love you and we can support each other.
Take care my friends and god bless!
Btw thanks to Emily and Megan today for calling me out of the blue and cheering me up! I’ve got such great friends and family to support me.
European Style Grocery Shopping
I’ve spoken a number of times on this blog about food, cooking and the challenges of shopping for one. Lately I’ve been trying a new strategy that has been working out very well.
This article explains the shopping philosophy and how it saves money, gives the best food http://www.wisebread.com/buy-your-groceries-european-style
Basically the idea is instead of buying in bulk or cooking large quantities, you go to the grocery store every day and buy what you need for that day or perhaps for 2-3 days.
This is smart for the following reasons
1. You get the freshest ingredients
2. It avoids waste saving money and time
3. Fresh, seasonal ingredients typically are the least expensive
4. For a single woman who eats out a lot it makes it easy to eat out without spoiling food or meal plans waiting to be made. You can just plan on eating out instead of shopping.
5. With a grocery store in walking distance of my house it isn’t really any more work to shop everyday.
6. Less groceries and less mess. Today I dirtied a few pieces of silverware and 1 plate instead of tons of pots and pans. Of course, I can plan an everyday meal that uses a lot of pots and pans but at least I know that’s what I am doing and can plan accordingly instead of just having ingredients and trying to make something good out of it.
7. It allows you to order what you are in the mood for on a particular day. Not stuck eating leftovers or ingredients that sounded good a month ago.
Today for example I went to the grocery store purchased a rotiserie chicken, a kale salad and twiced baked potato they make at Harmons and stuff to make easy crepes for dessert
The other day it was a tub of chili, another it is chicken and sauce. A lot of items are hard for me to purchase because I just can’t eat them fast enough. A loaf of bread for instance is hard for 1 person to polish off before it is either stale in the fridge or moldy outside.
With European grocery store I can buy just what I need for that meal and be done with it.
It may seem like this type of shopping would be more expensive and while I haven’t done the math I don’t think I’ve spent much more if any.
I know that such shopping might be impossible if you have a family but if you don’t, give it a try. I bet you will love it!
Plus, you get to sound all suave and debonaire with your European shopping trip… 🙂
How do you shop for evening meals? What strategies work for you?
A Self Reliant LDS Single Woman
This is one of my religious Mormon-centric posts so feel free to skip if not interested in that topic.
I’ve been mulling over in my brain a gospel topic the last few days . Mothers Day (or what I call Female Guilt Day) always makes me feel a little sad. People can give me all kinds of reasons why that shouldn’t be but all that does is make me keep my sadness to myself. It doesn’t make it go away.
I know all the easy answers, the promises of a family for the righteous. I get all of that but it doesn’t mean a day celebrating the big part of being a woman I don’t have doesn’t sting a little bit.
I was particularly thinking about my new job and how grateful I am for the chance to do something I really love. There are no words for how much that means to me. A smile worthy of smilingldsgirl covers my face whenever I think about it. I am so excited!
It also occurred to me this week that taking such a position would probably be difficult if I had a family or was married. The position pays less than I was making and is at least for now part-time. However, it is an opening to start a new life, a new career! That’s the exciting part!
Plus, I still get to work from home and my finances are such that I can afford to take a pay cut. I also might not get insurance through my employer. We are still researching that. I feel so fortunate that I am at a spot in my life to take such a job. 🙂
Here’s the thing I could use some guidance on-
I try to be positive and not be a negative Nelly when it comes to my single status in a family church. It comes and goes but in general I think I am happier than most other singles I know. Nevertheless, for some reason it feels more justified in talking about the downsides of being single rather than the upsides. I can’t completely put it into words but I feel like I am not supposed to be ‘so’ happy in the single life, only moderately happy.
Let me try to explain-
It’s quotes like these that confuse me.
“And I would also caution you single sisters not to become so independent and self-reliant that you decide marriage isn’t worth it and you can do just as well on your own…”
President Benson
So, we are supposed to be independent and self-reliant but not ‘so’ independent and self reliant. We have to live a good life but not to the point where we feel we can ‘do just as well on your own’. What does that mean? Should I feel continually like I am not quite doing ‘just as well’ on my own? Just as well as who? Married people? Just as well at what? Living?
He goes on:
“Certainly we want our single sisters to maximize their individual potential, to be well educated, and to do well at their present employment. You have much to contribute to society, to your community, and to your neighborhood.”
“But…”
“We earnestly pray that our single sisters will desire honorable marriage in the temple to a worthy man and rear a righteous family, even though this may mean the sacrificing of degrees and careers. Our priorities are right when we realize there is no higher calling than to be an honorable wife and mother”
So if I read him right we can do many great things and that is encouraged, but at the same time we must be always hoping and waiting to give all those things up for marriage and family. It seems to me that somebody isn’t going to ‘maximize their full potential’ if they are constantly keeping an escape hatch available for their ‘true and higher calling’?
I know so many single Mormon women who feel unfulfilled because of that escape hatch. It’s like you end up doing a lot of mediocre things because the big thing you really want or feel a need to do you can’t. The thing that will make you the happiest you can’t do so you settle for medium-level happiness.
That doesn’t seem right. God wants us to be happy no strings attached. It doesn’t say ‘the plan of happiness except for single people who are merely content’
What is so wrong with devoting yourself completely to the role that God has given you to play at the moment you are playing it? In my experience it is only in such obedient moments that I am open to the promptings to change and grow, maybe even meet someone. Is that too independent, or too self reliant? I don’t think so.
It seems to me I am always happiest in life when I dive right into an experience with no back up plan or escape hatch. In fact, enjoying my single lifestyle can feel unfeminine and the opposite of the ooey goey woman I hear about on Mothers Day.
It can also seem like I am saying the single life is better than being married but I’m not. It’s just different. (And I do not think the single life is inherently selfish either. I hate when people say things like that)
I know such feelings are ridiculous. I should be happy when happy things happen but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at times conflicted with how happy I should feel.
What worries me is I don’t want to live a life in second place. The silver medalist, to my married friends who get the gold, and that’s kind of what the quote says. After all, we as singles can contribute to our employment, community, society and neighborhoods but… the higher calling is motherhood. That’s what we believe. And I think that is why Mother’s Day can be a little sad for me. It’s the day of the year where that Gold medal is thrown in our faces and we realize we have the silver.
But, I just can’t live my life that way. I believe that God has a plan for all of us and while we may not be fated to be with a particular person, I believe He does know when that event will happen. He needs me right now to work in his single vineyard and that is not a second place position.
Does that mean I am not open to a different vineyard? Of course not. Nothing would thrill me more than to find that Great Love but I am not going to settle for sloppy seconds waiting for it.
So, instead I will be happy for the good things in my life and not worry whether I am ‘too independent’ or ‘too self-reliant’ any more. God knows my heart and He has told me many times before when I need to straighten up and refocus my priorities.
I was a good missionary because I gave it all to that calling. I was able to get on that plane and have no regrets, and I don’t see why this phase of my life with my new job is any different? I’m going to give it my all and have a blast along the way. I am so excited!
I’m going to allow myself to feel 100% happiness while doing it. The truth is I am self-reliant and independent but I am also obedient and have a missionary heart. The Lord knows me, and He is guiding my path. He certainly helped me get this job so I might as well have a ball while doing it.
Anyway, forgive these ramblings. It was just something I needed to work out and I think I did as I typed. Hopefully my musings are helpful to someone out there.
Happy Mothers Day to all you amazing moms and to my own Mother.
Myths About Being Single
This is still one of my favorite posts I’ve written. The myths totally ring true to me, so take notes my friends!
So this might seem a little random but over the last few months I’ve wanted to write a post on the greatest myths many married people have about being single.
1. Myth #1- “You’re single so you get to hang out with your girlfriends whenever you want”. Sometimes I think there is this illusion that the singles life is Sex and the City without the sex (well without the sex for the Mormon singles!). Me and my 3 galpals hanging out and gallivanting around town at our hearts content. The truth is about 80% of my friends are married with kids and most of the time I’m so exhausted from work and other responsibilities that watching TV or heating up a microwave meal is all I can do. I would say I get 1-2 (maybe more in the summer) nights with friends in a month, which may be more than…
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Being Single on Valentines Day
Just wanted to share this video I made with you my awesome readers. I made it to try and conquer the challenge that is being single on valentines day. Please share it with those that find themselves in a similar spot and could use it. Happy Valentines Day!
Thank You for Reading
It’s late but I wanted to do a quick thank you. All of my friends are posting daily thank you’s on facebook which is awesome but really today there is one major thing I am thankful for. I am thankful to all of you. I had a rough October but November has started out great. Thank you to all of you for reading no matter my mood or topic. I know there are readers who follow religiously but haven’t made a comment in years (Becca and Suzanna I know you read!). I am so grateful. I hope you know that.
Thank you for reading when I inspire you. Thank you for reading when I tick you off a little bit. Thank you for reading when I bore you. Thank you for reading when I make you laugh. Aside from friends and faith, it is the best thing in my life. Thank you especially to the people who read regularly not just when I do something bold.
Thank you to fellow bloggers who inspire me with their posts especially Samantha Ferraro, Forest Hartman, Christine Plouvier, Abbey Kidd, Tracy Christensen Emily at Blogging Runner for giving me so much support. Some of you I have met. Rest of you if you ever come to Utah dinner is on me. (there are so many but they have been so supportive).
I sound like I’m dieing or something or winning an Oscar but I really am grateful. I told my siblings that all I really wanted for Christmas was for them to comment on my blog every week or so. I’m partly kidding but it really does mean a lot to me when people read. I am also grateful to my sisters Meg and Anna for being the standout family readers by far and away. Thanks!
I suppose it means a lot to any writer when people actually read what they write (go figure I know) and I’m no different. It feels like you have a legacy and people might remember you for something. Who doesn’t want that?
I’m grateful to my swim friends, trainers, writing group, twitter friends, cousins, coworkers, voice teachers, fellow parishioners…I could go on. I really am just grateful.
What brought this all on is I was talking with a friend in the stake presidency who has taken my letter on the midsingles situation and shown it to area leadership and asked a question on the topic to two apostles. It meant a lot to me to be taken seriously and to feel like just maybe I did something good with my words.
Maybe nothing will come of it. Maybe it will just make a few of the people who commented feel understood but that’s good enough for me.
Hey, it made me feel understood and isn’t that why I started this whole thing?
In my first post on my preblog I said “First, I am never going to be happy living my life for other people’s expectations. Second, I need to take more comfort from the love of those that care for me instead of being devastated by the criticism of those that don’t. Third, I have to be my own advocate.
Why is it that I seem to believe in other people more than I believe in myself?Honestly, I think I am my toughest critic. I am starting to accept that I am not proving anything to anyone by the way I live my life. I have to believe that those that come into contact with me, including my employers, are lucky to know me. That I am valuable just for being me” (pretty good advice. I should listen to myself sometimes).
That was written in 2007 and the blog has certainly proven that last statement to be true 1,000 times. I am valuable for just being me and writing.
“The best word shakers were the ones who understood the true power of words. They were the ones who could climb the highest. One such word shaker was a small, skinny girl. She was renowned as the best word shaker of her region because she knew how powerless a person could be WITHOUT words.”
All Wrung Out
I wanted to use this graphic because I felt like it really describes my feelings today. I feel like my world has been twisted and turned and wrung out. I’m exhausted!
That said, I feel hopeful and grateful. Grateful to have this forum to hear the stories of so many wonderful people. In just over a day I have heard from nearly a hundred people on facebook, twitter and the blog and had nearly 700 views of the post. So many felt the same frustrations in transitioning into your 30s and a family ward that I had felt. So many had found ways to make it work and others are still struggling. I am honored to put into words what people are feeling and hopefully give a little bit of validation.
Please let’s keep up the discussion. Please keep me posted on your progress and through our communications with one another we can help spread God’s message which is more important than anything else.
I was thinking about the story of the Good Samaritan today. Isn’t it interesting that the man is a lonely traveler. One can only imagine that if there was a family member or friend with him he would have found the love and service he depended on strangers to give. No, he was a single man attacked, in need.
How many of us can relate to that journey? Indeed, how often have we given up of being rescued when the Samaritan comes to help us. Even in something as simple as a tweet I have been blessed by the generosity of strangers in my life, sometimes in a way that friends and family could never be.
The other lesson I’ve learned from the past 2 days has been a reminder of my own strength. My mentor at BYU said that I ‘have a sense of empathy for the unjustly treated in the world’. Many people have used the word ‘brave’ and ‘courage’ when describing my simple post. I wouldn’t go that far but it is a humbling reminder that I am a powerful person and I can bring about much good if I follow my heart and the Lord.
Today I was told by fabulous home teachers that the Lord loved me and He wants me to use my gifts to bless others. My home teacher gave me a challenge to find out how I am to contribute. It is something I have often wondered, sometimes with a tear or two because the contribution of a single girl seems so small but after yesterday I am not feeling that as much. Even if I could be that Good Samaritan for one person, as many have been so for me, it would all be worth it.
Listen to what some had to say:
“Amen. I’m in the EXACT same boat.”
“i too have fallen through a wards cracks. You, my friend are far stronger than I.”
“I love this… being in college as an Older single and not allowed to even take an insititue class… I just can’t do it. . It means a lot that you worte this”
“My bishop, was a sweet kind man who was clueless about what I was going through and when he asked me if I thought we had a friendly ward, I told him no and I told him why and he was shocked! He’s grown and so have I. I feel your struggle”
That’s just a sampling. There are people out there that need to be rescued. (some of course are doing fine and quite happy being single and independent so that’s great) but I’m more determined than ever to seek out the beaten soul and do all I can to show love and serve even if it is just through this blog.
I’ve always loved the song Each Life that Touches Ours for Good. It makes me think of my Grandpa who I loved more than anyone else. I miss him. I hope I can be as good a friend as he was to me.
What greater gift dost thou bestow,
What greater goodness can we know
Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.
I’ve still got a long way to go but I’m on to something and excited for the future for the first time in years.
Rachel's Musings 