Tag: faith

General Conference, Easter and Complacency

April 7, 2015April 7, 2015 · Leave a comment ·

This is more a post for my Mormon readers. Thanks.

What a marvelous weekend I just experienced. It’s not that often when LDS General Conference and Easter line up but it happened this year. This adds a special spirit to the meeting beyond what is normally felt. A special focus on Christ and his teachings that I was very moved by.

It was a low key Easter/Conference weekend for me. I had to get some work done for projects this week. (Very stressful week at work because my supervisor is quitting on Thursday!).

But I started out the day making waffles and having a yummy brunch all to myself.

My cousin Danielle and her husband Cory then came over for dinner Sunday night which was a lot of fun. They are two of my favorite people and I love spending time with them. I made split pea soup out of ham I had served last time they had come to visit. This is the soup before it was cooked. I added real peas this time for the first time and it was very yummy and healthy for an Easter dinner.

I had hardly any candy this Easter which I guess was a good thing but felt a little strange. We did have brownies with dinner but no Easter baskets or treats this year (I’m 34 so I suppose that should be expected). In a way it kind of reminds me of my recent Christmas where I was alone and had a low key, kind of ordinary day. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a little bit sad because I’d love to have a partner to share things with but it’s just not what God has seen for me at this time.

Anyway, at least I got to see my cousins which was great and hear from my church’s prophet President Monson and apostles for 2 days.

I also tweeted during conference as I have done for several years. I tried to keep it a little smaller than in previous years but I enjoyed reading others insights into talks and formulating my own. Tweeting helps me because it involves multiple senses than if I was simply listening to the talks.

It was an immensely gratifying conference and I feel inspired to improve. One of the big themes of conference which struck me is to avoid complacency in gospel living. To be anxiously engaged in good causes and increasing your testimony of light and truth.

This talk by my Mother’s cousin Kevin W Pearson was very moving. Stay close to the tree:

I also loved Elder Nielson where he shared the story of his sister who left the church and for many years was disaffected but came back. It was moving on many levels.

President Eyring spoke on fasting and reminded me to try harder to live that principle. It’s a principle that I have never had a great testimony of so I know I need to work on it.

Elder Holland told a moving story about 2 brothers rock climbing and how they were able to rescue each other. He brought home powerfully our need to reach out to those around us and offer love, support and rescue.

Finally we got to hear from the prophet.

There were some dissenters at the sustaining on Sunday which I found extremely distasteful. These people don’t seem to understand the church they are a part of. This is not a democracy but a church led by revelation from God. They had their moment in the sun and got their interviews with media I am sure so good for them but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t extremely rude and disrespectful.

Anyway, I do believe President Monson is a prophet just like Moses and Abraham were prophets who spoke for God. I believe in Jesus Christ and His great Easter gift for all of us. That He alone as the Son of God could suffer and die and free us from sin and death. I know because I have felt the holy witness reaffirm it to me again and again. It has given me everything in my life and even on those lonely afternoons when I wish I could be surrounded by a family of my own I know that Jesus loves me and has given me His truths. For that I am so grateful.

On a totally random note I went to see Furious 7 on Saturday and the review came out pretty good. Check it out.

Did any of you get to listen to Conference? I hope you all had a lovely Easter/Passover weekend.

Thoughts on Quiet

March 29, 2015March 29, 2015 · Leave a comment ·

On such a night, or such a night,

Would anybody care

If such a little figure

Slipped quiet from its chair —

So quiet — Oh how quiet,

That nobody might know

But that the little figure

Rocked softer — to and fro —

On such a dawn, or such a dawn —

Would anybody sigh

That such a little figure

Too sound asleep did lieEmily Dickinson

I haven’t shared with you all any poetry in a long time but I found myself thinking of this verse today. You see, my house was empty and I was trying to recover from this darn cold and I couldn’t think of anything to watch so I found myself sitting and thinking. In the words of Gaston ‘a dangerous pastime…’ It’s just so quiet sometimes when you are alone.

And I know you Moms are probably thinking ‘I would love nothing more than a quiet house all to myself for the day’ and there is some truth to that. But I bet you wouldn’t find the quiet so refreshing if you knew those little voices weren’t ever coming back…

This is not an ‘oh feel sorry for me’ post. It really isn’t. It’s just a ‘today I was alone and I noticed’. What’s wrong with admitting that? We all have our lonely moments, sometimes when we are surrounded by people. It’s part of being human. After all, if we never felt alone why would we need to turn to God?

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish for a companion to share these kind of experiences with. Yeah, yeah I can hear you all saying ‘marriage is hard’ and ‘grass is always greener’. Well, it is also ‘not meant for man to be alone’. Humans need companionship and sometimes I wish I had it. But I know God has His plan for me and I am doing my best to humbly follow His timeline for my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel a little sad on those days when the house feels extra quiet. Again I’m only human…

I saw The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel this week and it is not a great movie but I liked it. One of the things that I stood out to me is Maggie Smith’s character is a single woman who has never married. However, she has found this place to live where she has an urban tribe of other seniors and a ‘child’ to help nurture in the Dev Patel character. I had more of that in my 20s when sociability and friendshipping was so much easier but I hope I can get it again. If I never meet Mr Sunshine I hope I can find an urban tribe like she does and maybe even a young person to help mentor.

In my 20’s I also had much younger siblings who looked to me for advice and guidance and family that lived nearby. Now they are all grown up and my nieces are far away. It makes me a little sad sometimes.

But again I am not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. I am greatly blessed. Mostly I have the miracle of all of you who are there to share in my silly life. Goodness knows why you have all read all these years but I am sure grateful. I have a job I love, a social media presence that I think helps people, hobbies I love, great friends, a beautiful home and most importantly a faith in Jesus Christ that ensures I am never really alone. That is never forgotten.

Thanks for letting me share and I love you all. Can any of you relate to the quiet times when maybe it feels a little lonely in life? I’m sure I am not alone. God bless.

Faith and Loneliness

January 25, 2015January 25, 2015 · Leave a comment ·

I have lots of different readers who enjoy my posts for different reasons. I love every last one of you! This is a religious post probably best suited for my Mormon readers but hopefully encouraging to anyone of faith. If religion isn’t your thing don’t worry will be posting about your favorite topic soon. It’s a huge part of my life so it will come up on the blog from time to time. Love you!

Lately I’ve found myself thinking a lot about my mission. This year marks 10 years since I came home which has given me pause to think about the decade which has come and gone. Plus, I recently played host to my favorite companion Julia Graves and spent time with a sister who also served around my time Lisa Luddington. We’ve shared stories and looked back on all we learned during those very intense 20 months (I extended).

Today I went to a homecoming for a friend and it touched my heart to see how strong she has become. I hope she can keep that strength and faith for a decade as I have striven to do however imperfectly.

Called to Serve Him. No greater work. No greater chance to become more Christlike

As I’ve been thinking about my mission I realized something special it taught me I hadn’t put my finger on before. It taught me how to deal with the loneliness of faith.

Let me explain. There was a time on the mission I was given a companion who was bi-polar and thought that a mission would cure her mental illness. When it obviously didn’t she took her anger out on me and was emotionally and verbally abusive. I was berated as the worst missionary, ugly, stupid, inept, you name it. Then she would go days with the silent treatment which was better but hard when you have to spend 24 hours a day with a person.

It was an especially hard time because I was trying so hard to be a good trainer and obedient. We were opening a new area to sisters so I didn’t know anybody and we were far away from the mission home. On LDS missions you are not allowed to call home, just weekly letters (although my parents did send me flowers. Love them!).

I’m not saying I was perfect because I wasn’t but I was trying to be obedient and I seemed to be punished for that where other people had great training experiences. Plus, how many times can you be told your a terrible missionary before you begin to believe it.

It was one of the loneliest time of my life. That may be surprising because I was with someone all the time but it just goes to show a person can be lonely who is surrounded by people.

pres quist — President Quist helped me so much through that lonely time

Anyway, I thought about coming home but I didn’t want to let my family down especially my younger siblings who needed an example missionary in their lives. I had to call the mission president every night and he helped me to get through every day. I had a sister swap with my MTC comp Sister Noyes and that also helped.

But in the end I had to turn to my Heavenly Father in a way I hadn’t done to that point. He was all I had to really lean on. I read my scriptures and I prayed so hard my knees hurt. And you know what? He filled me up. He let me know I wasn’t a bad missionary. He helped me to forgive her, which was incredibly hard to do. He loved me and I was not the same after that. I was in 100% to the mission and while again I was far from perfect I know I was the missionary He needed me to be.

purdue — Purdue campus was the new area with tough companion but it was the site of many sacred experiences too

As hard as that experience was, and it was brutal, it gave me a gift. In the 10 years since I came home there have been lonely times. I don’t need to go into all of them but just trust me there have been lonely times. I’ve felt attacked, disappointed in the choices of others, angry, frustrated, confused and alone, as all humans do from time to time.

But I’ve always had that time on the mission in my pocket to carry me through.

I had discovered God’s ability to strengthen me during the lonely times and have never forgotten it and never will.

If you are feeling lonely or life is giving you a shellacking (we’ve all been there!) maybe it’s a moment God is trying to turn you into something better, like He made me the best missionary I could be? Maybe he is trying to make you strong?

I absolutely believe moments of loneliness are essential to understanding the atonement of Jesus Christ and really applying it to your heart. We need it so bad in those moments and only then are we teachable and humble enough to make the tough choices and rely on His mercy completely.
Never forget the scripture says

“I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”

An Original Expression of Faith

June 23, 2014June 23, 2014 · Leave a comment ·

Back when the movement of feminists within the Mormon church started (ala pants protest) I had a bad feeling about it. I chose to show my support for people, not protests in my own way. My opinion on today’s events is basically what it was when I wrote this post.
I have not commented on the recent hoopla because I felt like I couldn’t add anything new to the discussion. I’ve written a number of posts on the blog about being a Mormon woman and I’d love for any of you to read them. However, I felt reposting this said everything I wanted to say.
There is nothing more important to me than my faith. It is the anchor of my life and I know it is where I am supposed to spend my life engaged in it’s service. Every time I read it, I feel anew that the Book of Mormon is true. I am a daughter of God with a unique mission and gifts. It is not my place to judge anyone else for their choices and I wish all peace and comfort. God bless you all.

Rachel's Musings

“The number of people who subscribe to these beliefs and values is dwindling, but you and I remain true. We have covenanted with the Savior to represent Him...

We must be bold in our declarations and testimony of the divinity of Jesus Christ. We want others to know that we believe He is the central figure in all human history. His life and teachings are the heart of the Bible and the other books we consider to be holy scriptures. The Old Testament sets the stage for Christ’s mortal ministry. The New Testament describes His mortal ministry.

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Spiritual Holes

February 24, 2014February 27, 2014 · 1 Comment ·

(This is one of my more LDS related posts but I think any person could find ways to relate to it).

So it’s late and I should probably be asleep but what else is new! Today was another amazing day. It started out unpleasantly dealing with Comcast from 7-12 (the whole morning). Nothing was working and I traipsed up and down all 3 levels trying to get a read from technician on what was wrong. In truth he was clearly applying a wack-a-mole approach to fixing the problem. Try one thing, hit down the problem, whack the next one, until hopefully they were all whacked. Hopefully…

Anyway, they were finally done and I was tired. An early morning wake up does not have any effect on my go to sleep time. I wish insomnia worked that way! I would tell myself I had to wake up early every day! So, I crashed and woke up about 2 (I never take naps so you know I was really tired to do that). I had missed church and I felt a little bad about that but I know I will be there next week so it’s ok to have a moment of sleep induced truancy.

Fortunately I was not left spiritually adrift for long because my wonderful friends and home teachers came over for a visit. I think they both might have missed their callings as psychiatrists because they are so pleasant to talk to. I’m afraid I take up way too much of their time when they come but I enjoy it so much. We chatted about the Olympics, my fun weekend, my job etc and then they shared a prayer and spiritual thought.

These thoughts remind me of my Grandpa who I love, so you can imagine I love them. Today’s topic was one I have been contemplating lately- the unanswered prayer, the seemingly unexplained tragedy, the leaps of faith, the almost unforgivable act…the really tough stuff and the stuff that confuses, troubles us, or that we simply do not fully understand.

In an ideal world all of us would have 100% testimonies on all parts of our faith all the time, but unless we are Jesus, that is impossible There is always going to be something that at least for the moment you struggle with accepting. Things that don’t make any sense.

I think of those moments as spiritual holes. It’s just like standing on the edge of a deep pit and if you let yourself take too large a step you will fall.

I don’t know if it was just Indiana but I met a number of people on my mission who struggled to feel the Book of Mormon was true. They had strong testimonies of the priesthood, restoration, prophets but couldn’t get into scripture. This could be very troubling. Others struggled with the priesthood, marriage, judgement, prophets, and even the atonement. They’ve thought and thought about it and just haven’t been able to take that leap yet.

I’ll be honest and tell you mine. I’ve never had a great experience with fasting. I believe in being obedient but it’s a bit of a mystery to me. If I let it, I could focus on that spiritual hole and my faith would get submerged by it. Instead I hope that it is true, I fast and I remember the things I do know including my relationship with God, love of the temple and testimony of the Book of Mormon.

As someone who has struggled with anxiety I know more than most, a small problem, thought or issue can creep inside and get larger and more troublesome. This can happen with spiritual holes as we allow them to get bigger. At times they can seem almost overwhelming and all-encompassing.

So what do we do about it? Well to start, focus on what you do know and build on that. Then try to face your fears and always be obedient. Most importantly recognize that everyone has testimony holes. That’s why we need each other so badly. Where I am weak, you are strong, and vice versa. Maybe that’s why God doesn’t take away the holes? He knows how badly we need each other. I’ve had friends who have fallen into their spiritual holes, letting them consume their faith, and I miss their testimony strengths..

One of the best talks I have ever heard was in a Sacrament meeting on my mission. We were visiting a ward so I didn’t know the couple well but they started telling their conversion story. They were on a military base in Germany when they learned about the gospel and became converted.

Being on base, they didn’t have a car so a member family picked them up for church each Sunday. One day a little girl asked the new convert why he “smelled funny?” The truth was, he had started smoking again (very common after baptism to relapse. It’s ok), and he was very embarrassed. At first it was laughed off, but the father of the little girl knew hurt had occurred and this was a crucial faith moment, so he acted.

He called up the convert and said ‘Look I don’t care if you have to smoke a pack between meetings, we need you with us’. Instead of feeling ashamed of his testimony hole, the man felt love and acceptance and started coming, eventually kicking the habit completely. He did not allow a testimony hole to ruin all the good he did have and his family will be forever grateful to that brother who noticed and acted.

Sometimes I feel as a single woman I have to face holes by myself. Anxiety grows when I am not able to deal with my anger, fear, hurt, and resentment well, and the hole gets bigger and more ostracizing from those wanting to help me. Fortunately, however, I have always been able to lean on God and remember my convictions on so may things and become stronger. I’ve always been amazed at how many people God gave me that love me.

So, please friends if you are feeling like ‘how can I believe when I’m not sure about …..’ remember we need the holes and solid foundation. Both make you strong. Even the Savior briefly asked to have the bitter cup removed. Even He had a hole He felt momentarily was beyond him and that’s when God sent down an angel to give Him strength. He certainly overcame all for us.

In the end, you have to pick something to guide your life by, and I know I have chosen the right way for me to be happy and feel close to God- holes and all.

There is a great example in Nephi. He is conversing with angels and later Christ, seeing visions and dreams and yet he says ‘I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things’. Even faithful Nephi had holes, but he did not let that hold him back or allow him to forget the greatness he did have. He knew that God loved him and that has power.

I love a talk by Elder Holland called ‘Lord I Would Believe’ where he talks about the man hoping his son can be healed but lacking the faith he says ‘Help thou my unbelief’. In other words help me with this hole. Help me to not slip and fall:

“Observation number one regarding this account is that when facing the challenge of faith, the father asserts his strength first and only then acknowledges his limitation. His initial declaration is affirmative and without hesitation: “Lord, I believe.” I would say to all who wish for more faith, remember this man! In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited. In the growth we all have to experience in mortality, the spiritual equivalent of this boy’s affliction or this parent’s desperation is going to come to all of us. When those moments come and issues surface, the resolution of which is not immediately forthcoming, hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes.

Hold fast! Everyone is needed to help us bridge our testimony holes. We all need each other so don’t give up. I’ve known far to many who have. Don’t. A relationship with Christ and His happy plan is far too worthwhile. I know that is true of my self, independent from any other person.

Love you guys. I love my Heavenly Father, and I really do have a testimony of Jesus Christ and His church being restored to the earth. So let’s help each other out of our holes. 🙂

Just want to remind the trolls out there if you post unhelpful, unconstructive, attacks on my faith they will not be posted, so don’t waste your time.

Happiness: A Journey

August 18, 2013August 18, 2013 · 2 Comments ·

Today I was visiting with my home teachers and they asked me an interesting question. They said ‘we’ve met many single individuals over the years but not many who seem to be as happy and content as you are. What is your secret?’. After thanking them for the compliment I had a hard time putting into words why I am happy. Its kind of a hard question to answer? There are lots of things that make me happy. How do you sum it up?

They then talked about all of the different activities I’m involved in and how I take control of my life. I again thanked them for the compliment and made a fumbling attempt to explain why I am happy. Here’s a better explanation:

About 7 years ago I was seriously unhappy. I think only God knows how low I really got. Its again hard to explain because I wasn’t doing anything wrong per say I just felt this cloud over my life. I hated my job. I didn’t get to spend enough time with my friends and things I loved like school and church callings were getting crowded out by long work days and other responsibilities. In the end, it doesn’t even have to do with that particular job. It was this ghost of unhappiness that haunted me every day.

I related many times on this blog the events of that period- how I pushed the feelings of depression inside until they burst out in full blown panic. It still amazes me that with all the challenges I had on my mission and being bullied at school the thing that really broke me was a perpetual stupor of unhappiness. It makes no sense to the outward observer. In fact, one could claim I was suffering from first world problems and should be grateful I had a job, and I was. Still, that feeling of grayness in my life is something I will never forget.

Once I had shown the world my unhappiness I had little left to gain by pretending and started to take the leaps of faith necessary to remove the cloud-cover from my life. I lowered my hours and eventually quit my job. I graduated from school with my MBA. I moved to Draper. Found out that working from home was right for me, started taking voice lessons, was introduced to open water swimming, and started a book club, the list could go on and on.

Everything good in my life is because I learned what it felt like to be unhappy and chose to never allow myself to hit that kind of funk again. Of course, I have unhappy days, even months and been through severe disappointments and anxiety in the last few years but nothing like it was in 2007.

So that’s why I am happy now. I am happy because I know what it feels like to be unhappy and the great thing is that God was with me through it all. He never stopped telling me that He loved me and He helped me learn the lessons I needed to learn. He kept reminding me that I needed to make a change. He never gave up on me. He never will.

Probably most importantly I learned from that period that God’s plan of happiness is not simply a checklist of big things to do, ordinances to make but literally a plan for our happiness down to where I worked and what I do with my life. If he is so involved in these microdetails how can I not faith in the big things such as finding my Mr Sunshine out there. Regardless, I will never let myself feel that way again for an extended period and that is a life-changing lesson. I am happy because I learned that I mattered to God and His happiness requires my happiness not just my obedience.

To happiness! (Hopefully someday I can find someone to share that happiness with. All in God’s timetable).

The Book of Mormon: My Testimony

August 11, 2013August 11, 2013 · 2 Comments ·

There has been a youtube movement called ‘The Two Minute Book of Mormon Challenge’. This is a channel set aside for people to bear their testimonies about the Book of Mormon.

Here is the introduction on the channel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3B36GZ4HLx0

Someone from the site asked me to contribute and I finally was able to put my feelings into words and on to video. It ended up being 4 minutes but I think you’ll forgive me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjEaTwnYSgE

One time I was driving with my brother and he was debating various points of doctrine with me and I said to him ‘you know when I read that book I just know its true’ and its really as simple as that. When I read it I know its true. I don’t need any other witness than that. I know the covenants it teaches are real. I know the faith and priesthood has power. I know there was a dark ages and then truth was restored and it all comes down to my witness of The Book of Mormon.

I repeat my warning I gave of previous religious posts. I will not post any comments that are disrespectful or unkind (and that goes for youtube too). Have enough courtesy to understand that people feel differently about these things and maybe listen for something that could strengthen your own faith.

I hope you all have a great Sunday! And if you have any questions, would like to meet with representatives or receive a copy of The Book of Mormon go to http://mormon.org/eng

An Original Expression of Faith

December 16, 2012December 17, 2012 · 5 Comments ·

“The number of people who subscribe to these beliefs and values is dwindling, but you and I remain true. We have covenanted with the Savior to represent Him...

The Book of Mormon gives us a second witness of His mortal ministry. He came to earth to declare His gospel as a foundation for all mankind so that all of God’s children could learn about Him and His teachings. He then gave His life in order to be our Savior and Redeemer. Only through Jesus Christ is salvation possible. This is why we believe He is the central figure in all human history. Our eternal destiny is always in His hands. It is a glorious thing to believe in Him and accept Him as our Savior, our Lord, and our Master.

Remember all that the Church has done, is doing, and can do for you and your family. And remember that this is not just any other church; it is the restored Church of Jesus Christ.”

Elder Perry Dec 2012 Ensign

This morning I was faced with a conundrum. Yes, it was back to the whole pants thing. Here’s what went through my head. On one hand I believe in a diverse Mormon woman- one who for instance can chose to have no children if that is what God directs her, or to have 12, to marry or never marry, to be a leader or follower in her community, whatever. I’ve never been shy about promoting this even having a forum a few years ago of diverse Mormon women firesides where we had Mormon women from the army, business, politics, medicine, education, homemaking etc speaking about their faith and relationship with God. It was inspiring and I wish it was a part of every young women’s experience. This type of Mormon woman is to be encouraged, and I believe is encouraged by the leadership, if maybe not the membership of the church.

On the other side I wanted NO part of a protest against my faith. None. Zero. Nothing do with it. You can claim it was not a protest but that feels disingenuous when nearly every article, blog and even twitter posting (ie. hashtag #pantsprotest by founder) is phrased that way. I love my church and I really do feel that women are treated equally within the doctrine of the church. That may seem crazy but remember I do not equate leadership with equality. Also there are things I learned in the temple that just settled this issue for me and I’ll leave it at that. There is no more doubt for ME.

On the other hand a friend of mine said ‘you don’t want to be seen as one of the haters on the facebook walls’ so I felt pressure to wear pants just so I could prove I wasn’t one of the death threat wielding bigots on some of the sites. This did not feel like the solution to me either.

So what should I do? I decided I needed to think of a way to challenge convention a little more subtly and not in a way viewed by anyone or especially by God as protest. I’m not judging anyone who chose differently. This was just my choice, for my faith.

I chose to wear a red dress and bright red lipstick. The whole point of this ‘movement’ was to challenge ‘cultural norms’ and that is what I did. It may not seem like much of a challenge but to me it felt like a bold choice. I normally am pretty tame in the make-up department. I was definitely the loudest, busiest person in the room and it stood out big time (in fact, I should try this in my new ward so I don’t blend in!)

Funny thing is everyone loved it! I got tons of compliments on both the dress (thank you Walmart $19) and the lipstick (although red lipstick is tough because it does get on your teeth easy. Btw, I had this bright red lipstick from when I got my superwoman Halloween costume if you were curious). When it was mentioned or someone noticed, I then had the chance to explain my reasons and every single person said some variation of ‘that’s great!’.

I was reminded today of a lesson my Dad is constantly trying to teach me- there is always a third, or fourth or even fifth solution to a problem, and sometimes that’s the best one. Far too often as human beings we put ourselves in corners where we only have 2 choices and it can feel like we are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t (that’s definitely how I felt this morning). My Dad, however, always see’s the way out. I think I channeled a little bit of him today and I feel proud of my effort.

I was an original Mormon, an original woman, today, and I am always seen that way in God’s eyes, everyday.

Go red lipstick! (this could be a thing. Oh no! Don’t want that!) 🙂

Btw- nobody in my ward (aside from men) wore pants. (or my parents or most of my friends wards for that matter. I think #pantsprotest was a big dud. Now, let’s pick up the ashes and try to do something good for the dynamic Mormon women we want to encourage.

https://smilingldsgirl.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/something-important-something-stupid/

Famous Ex- Mormons

September 16, 2012September 16, 2012 · 2 Comments ·

Lately I feel like I have read an inordinate number of stories about ‘famous ex-Mormons’. These usually feature the same cast of characters from Julianne Hough to Katherine Hiegel to Amy Adams. I feel like this is always done in an aura of condemnation- ‘Look these beautiful people once believed and now they don’t how can it be true?’.

Rarely is it mentioned in these articles that Hollywood is not exactly a bastion of religiosity in general. I am highly confident that a much longer list of former catholics, muslims and protestants could be collected amongst celebrities. Perhaps these faiths are different because they can be considered active with very minimal observance and attendance but even so I’m confident the list would be just as long and dramatic.

Sometimes I feel these lists of ex-Mormon’s are meant to discredit Mitt Romney’s belief. ‘How can he believe when all these beautiful, accomplished people don’t?’. Couldn’t the same question be asked of all of them? ‘How can they not believe when Mitt Romney and many other distinguished and accomplished people do believe?’.

Religion is an individual choice and the acceptance of the society at large, especially Hollywood, should have no barrings on an individuals faith and acceptance. In fact, how sad would it be if someone believed purely because other smart and attractive people believed? Mormonism is not a trendy lifestyle choice like say yoga or veganism to be lived for show. Maybe you can do that for a short period of time but eventually you have to find out for yourself if it is true, and then live it, if you do.

I give most of these celebrities credit for leaving the church and then leaving it alone. Many actually have very nice things to say about their experience with Mormonism. Most have chosen to leave not out of extreme doctrinal differences but mostly lifestyle choices and political issues. One website says ‘just for fun here are some famous ex-Mormons’. I don’t see what is fun about someone choosing a religion?

There certainly wasn’t this sense of concern, amusement or scandal when President Obama chose to distance himself from his longtime pastor Reverend Wright. This was seen by most as one man’s religious choice without any further speculations except for on the hard right. People change religions all the time, especially in their youth, and in Hollywood where morals are challenged on a daily basis. I just don’t get the fun or appeal of these articles?

And if we are looking at a broader history of Christianity when did defectors prove or disprove the truthfulness of the church itself? The celebrities or rulers during Christs’ days are the very one’s who cried for His crucifixion over the robber Barabas. Comparatively few listened to Jesus’ messages and teachings and yet this does not have any baring on most modern Christians view of its truthfulness. The people who did listen for the most part were simple humble fishermen and common citizens.

In fact, many would say it confirms the truths because they were challenging to live, required real change to accept? Living the gospel of Jesus Christ has never been easy. Why would this not be true in the modern church? The Gospel of Jesus Christ is difficult to live because it has always been so. It requires the whole heart because if we only give half than we only get half our potential.

The bible says “because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” . Clearly, the Lord would rather have us stray than to feign half-hearted fellowship. This is why it is perhaps no shock that most people when confronted with truth must choose one way to follow or another.

It makes me sad when I read about these people because I know what they are missing out on. It truly is like selling your birthright for a mess of pottage. I’m not going to presume to judge these stars and say they picked movie roles over God. I do not know them so that may be far from truth but whatever the choice over truth, it will not matter in the end, what they have chosen. I have eternal covenants with my My Heavenly Father. I know why I am here and that my life matters. That is worth any worldly prize.

Anyway, I just thought I would let you all know that I couldn’t care less if a famous person is or isn’t Mormon. My only care is the same I feel for any person who does not accept what I believe is true. I yearn for all the world to know of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and the Restored Gospel. If someone believes and happens to be famous well good for them. I would not have served a mission if I didn’t want to share my faith with others and earnestly want all men and women to believe it.

I respect all choices and have friends of many faiths. These friends have actually added to my own faith through their testimonies on our shared beliefs and their example of devotion to what they believe. However, their choices, and certainly the choices of some celebrities I don’t know, have no negative impact on my own religious life. So these lists of Ex-Mormons baffle me. Who cares? What are the people who publish them trying to achieve?

I guess as trivia it is harmless but it should have no affect on anyone’s view of the Mormon church or its teachings if some Hollywood starlet does not believe. Millions of hard working men and women around the world have gained a witness of its truthfulness and that means much more to me than the dissenters who try and tear us down. That said, if I was all alone I would still know the Book of Mormon is true and that God has confirmed this to me. No one can take that from me.

There I said it! 🙂 (I repeat my earlier injunction that I will not post any negative comments about my church on this posting or any others, so don’t even bother. If you have something constructive to say about what I have written I’d love to hear it).

Not Smiling All the Time

August 8, 2012August 8, 2012 · Leave a comment ·

Sometimes I’ve wondered if I am doing myself a disservice by declaring myself as a ‘smiling lds girl’. Some who do not know me very well think I am perpetually cheerful but the truth is much more complicated.

The germ of the name started when I set up an email after my mission. I was on such a high then that I really was smiling all the time. I felt like nothing could be harder, nothing more intense than my mission, and I had done it, done it for God. In many ways I felt invisible.

But such bubbles are made to be burst and they sure were. It took just 2 years to get to one of the lowest times of my life. I’ve talked about it many times but in 2007 I left a job that was like a black cloud in my life. The details don’t really matter. All that matters is I was in a low spot and I had the courage to claw myself out of it.

With a renewed vision of my potential for happiness a smile was back on my face. All of the sudden the moniker of ‘smiling lds girl’ seemed appropriate. I also had a bit of time and decided to join the blogging world and gave it my email name smilingldsgirl. My first entry was in May of 2008. The freedom of Joblessness. Back then I said:

“my first foray into the world of blogging…It is hard to describe my last 6 months but let me just say that I am in the job hunt and I couldn’t be happier. I honestly think I will be a bit sad when I have to go back into the work force. There is something wonderful about living my life the way I want to without regards to supervisors, bosses or routines. I have always been a big one for planning but after a bit of a breakdown last year I needed a change more than anything.”

It was so strange because in the eyes of most people my situation might have appeared quite pitiable (no job, no man, overweight, etc) but I was happy as can be. I knew that I had done what God wanted me to do. In many ways it was the same feeling I felt after my mission. I had survived and new adventures awaited me.

So I was smiling again.

I had a period of peace and then in 2010 the crazy health challenges started and really I spent a lot of the next 2 years surviving again. I don’t mean to seem ungrateful because I have been incredibly blessed during this time but let’s just say it was harder to smile for a little while. It was rough and I remember going to Hawaii and just thinking ‘ why can’t I be this happy all the time?’. But I kept pressing forward and smiling in spite of it all.

Then I found open water swimming and boxing and started smiling again. Now I can hardly envision my life without it. What did I do with all my time before? It takes up so much of my time and yet I do most everything (with the exception of grad school) I did before. I wish that everyone could feel the way I feel when I’m in the water. It is joy. It is smiling.

Honestly it makes me a little nervous because I feel like I’m smiling again. What does God have in store for me? I am certainly going to enjoy every season of joy I get and try to store it up for the testing that will inevitably come my way.

I suppose I had my mind on this because I am thinking of buying/building a house. It is overwhelming and I can’t help but feel it will make my life more complicated. It’s just one of those seminal moments of life so it seems appropriate to feel a bit introspective. I never thought I would buy a house by myself. It makes me excited and nervous for the future. Can I do it? Will I keep smiling?

The answer is yes, but it will be interrupted by periods of tears; and, I believe that is how God wants it. If we think about Jesus and His life He was not always smiling. He wept with his followers. He mourned with those that mourned and comforted those that stood in need of comfort. He even got angry on occasion when it was appropriate.

We are told to have a broken heart and contrite spirit. I’ve had broken hearts in my life and each time I have come out of it smiling because I learned in those crucible experiences that God loved me. That is why you need a broken heart and a contrite spirit because you simply need Him more in those moments than ever before.

So in the end, I am smiling deep down inside even in the tender moments because I know God is turning me into what He knows I can be.

Thank you to everyone who has loved me in the low times. Kept me smiling. 🙂