By most reasonable standards I lead a small life. As Nora Ephron said ‘valuable but small. And sometimes I wonder do I do it because I like it or because I haven’t been brave?’ That question kind of hangs over me and when I’m feeling up to it I ponder its implications.
How is my life small? Well, I’m single. I don’t date a lot or hang out with lots of friends. I used to but most of that has passed on to infrequent yet prized get-togethers with individuals. Swim season is a bit different because that tends to be a group activity and I do have book club. Still, there is something about having a marriage partner and children that stretches a person outside the circle of a single influence.
My life is also small because I have chosen to work from home and I am not currently going to school. I have had people tell me I should get a regular corporate job because I’d have a better chance of meeting someone than in my current situation. You might as well tell me to sign up for a stint in prison because I could meet someone there. My happiness is just too valuable to sacrifice for the small chance of widening my circle of friends/dates.
Nowhere do I feel smaller than at church. I am part of a family-based faith. People are friendly, even bending over backwards to include us single saints, but the difference is always there. They are living a huge part of the gospel that I am not. In that sense, it is a smaller life than they get to lead.
If my life is small how come I will post a video in a few minutes and it will get viewed by friends (yes friends) in London, UAE, Germany, Florida, DC, California etc? Same is true with my blog posts. This very post should have between 150-500 views this week alone.
I’ve been having terrible headaches lately and have received advice from people all over the world. Isn’t that such a weird thing?
So under a certain lens my life is very big. I’ve gotten to the point on my youtube channel (over 800 subs!) and movie blog that I post most days. Not only is it a blast going to the movies (and other reviews) but it satisfies such a creative longing I didn’t even know I had. Every day I write, film, edit, promote, design material for all of my content (and also for work of course). The creative energy is really quite remarkable.
Then of course you have all the social media that helps us connect with friends and make new friends. I am soooo grateful for this service in my life. I can’t tell you how many days I’ve started tweeting or following a post on facebook and it has brightened my day. Of course, there are the trolls and rude people but isn’t that the case in any group experience in real life or online? I think so!
At this point I have been blogging for 8 years (you longtimers- can you believe it?). I’ve been on facebook for 9. I’ve had times where I wonder- do I have anything left to say? But then an idea will come and my fingers will fly!
So, my life is very small and big at the same time. Perhaps this is just modern life for everyone?
Do you feel that way about your life at times? How do you deal with moments of loneliness that we all experience from time to time?
Continuing on with the Nora Ephron quote:
“So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void.
So good night, dear void…”