So I have made a difficult decision. I have decided to not swim Slam the Dam. Here are the reasons:
1. I miss General Conference for my church. I should have just abandoned the attempt in the first place because watching this live and tweeting during it has become a big part of my life. I need the nourishment and its just not the same watching it backwards.
2. Despite their best efforts I have not gelled well with the organizers and I’ll just leave it at that.
3. My friend won’t be able to go so she will be driving me down just to watch me swim.
4. The likelihood of my finishing was about 50/50 (being generous). My best time in a 1 mile swim is 54 minutes which is cutting it very close to the hour time limit. I get why they needed to have it but it just wasn’t the best for my friend and I to have the time limit.
5. With the government shutdown looming and very likely the race would be cancelled anyway because they rely on the parks department for the permit and race. I think the chance of everything being resolved by Saturday is very small. One of the organizers said “If the government shuts down the park will be closed and no swim. It’s that simple.” I think its very unlikely the race will go on at all.
6. I have gotten to the pool about 4 times in September. With vacation, sickness, back treatments and everything else it just hasn’t been a great training month like August was
7. In the end, driving 7 hours to not finish or have it cancelled while missing Conference just didn’t seem worth it especially considering I don’t really have any friends going or who would be there to cheer me on.
8. My friend summarized why she wasn’t going and her outlook and I agree:
“I’ve also withdrawn, asking that my swag bag and hoodie be mailed to me. I still dont regret signing up. I had a goal to reach for, and though I fell just short of it, I succeeded in becoming a swimmer. I will take that as the lifetime win it is. And, this just means my first “official” swim will be a SLOW swim. I think I love that!”
9. I will also be following the directions and repeated orders of the planning committee. Today they reiterated that if you are “unwell, ill, injured or generally “off” from your normal self (whatever that means?) or can not meet course cut offs times, please do not swim” . I will respect their request and not swim, leave it at that.
10. All goals just don’t work out and I think there is a lesson in that. This is the second year I’ve tried to do this swim and will be my last for a time. It’s just too busy a time for me and has been too stressful for all involved.
Thank you to all the volunteers and my friends for your amazing support. I love you all so much. Swimming is after all just a hobby. It needs to always be fun and the last month or so it hasn’t felt fun. I’m going to work on that. I know that I’m a good swimmer. Not swimming Slam the Dam does not change that. I know that it is all for the best.
Thank you especially to Tania for being my training buddy and becoming my cherished friend. You are the best. (I feel like I’m giving an Oscar speech but its true).
Thanks you guys!
Guys- it was cancelled in the end so I’m extra happy with my decision (and glad I made my own medals in advance!). I am sorry for those hoping to swim that couldn’t. Karma…
Rachel's Musings 
Don’t feel bad about it. You did what you could. No big deal. You are allowed to change course in life at any time. I, on the other hand, have been swimming like a maniac (6-10K per day) for the past 6 weeks, so feel lucky you didn’t spend that much time in the water! There is always a lot more to be learned in chasing a goal than in actually achieving it in the end.
“There is always a lot more to be learned in chasing a goal than in actually achieving it in the end.” That is very profound. Thank you for sharing that. You are awesome! 10k a day! I’m so impressed. The longest I’ve ever done is 5k. Where do you swim? Are you pro? I think the biggest wound is to my pride which is probably my greatest weakness.
Thank you to all of my readers for not being disappointed in me. I worried about that. The journey is really what counts. No on to Masters meets and GSL 2014!
So – the swim was cancelled anyway! See? No problems! I enjoy swimming more than anything in the world and that is why I spend so much time in the water. Swim because you love it and you want to achieve more for yourself and don’t worry about what you perceive as someone else’s expectations. Everyday you are swimming, you are doing more than someone who is sitting on the couch.
Yes it was cancelled so I guess I should have just waited another day but oh well. The thing about anxiety is sometimes it just hits you and you try to talk yourself out of it and you can’t. Luckily I have this blog and supportive friends to work the moment out with.
Thank you so much for the encouragement. I agree with you about swimming. It is like flying and I just love it. I love showing people that you can be active and be big. I KNOW I could have done the swim. It would have been slow but I know it had in me. It was a learning experience. 🙂
Now on to Great Salt Lake swim. I’ll be ready to go!! Come on out and swim it sometime. Do you do open water or just pool?
You are right too. You can’t worry about others expectations. You just have to do your best. Sometimes I can be all to human in that department. Live and learn.
Also I should clarify for those new the blog that I struggle with diagnosed anxiety which I’m sure came out in the post