So my name is Rachel and I’m a workaholic.  Want to know the proof?  I’ve had kind of a miserable day and do you know what it was- my day off!  I will probably end up with close to 50 unused vacation hours this year (my strategy of no vacation/no distraction was great for training, not so great for mental health).  The last 2 weeks I have tried to take full days off and have failed miserably ending up with 2-4 hours off if at all (Monday I tried to take off and I ended up working 9 hours…Sigh).

Today I thought ‘I’m just going to relax, watch some movies, pack some boxes and enjoy the day’.  (I did go to the PO box, check emails and make a deposit but come on I can’t go from hero to zero all at once!).

Well, my plan didn’t work very well.  I woke up way early (I’ve been doing that lately.  Not sure why?) and by about noon I was in a bad mood.  Feeling crotchety and frustrated.

Things that helped me out of my bad mood- my friend Miriam called just to chat who lives in Virginia and is in town for the holidays.  She wasn’t even calling to get together- just to talk.  I love that!  Thanks.  We have been friends for 10 years and as far as I’m concerned the best of friends are the longest lasting.

Then I watched Home Alone and that was hilarious.  I forgot how funny it was.  I went to see it when I was 10 with my grandparents and remember rolling in the aisles laughing.  I had never laughed so hard in a theater.  It holds up remarkably well and isn’t being home alone every kids dream?  It was for me!

Then I went to mixed martial arts and that made me feel better.  I could release some frustration.  Frustration at being single on Christmas.  Frustration about not finding out about my house.  Frustration about my weird lazy day.  Frustration about how I was feeling that I couldn’t even explain. I love it!  I’m going to do a session Christmas Eve and I think it will be good to get the frustration out.

I know I should have a perfect response to being alone for Christmas but I don’t.  I’m sorry.  Being 32 and alone at Christmas is nobody’s dream least of all mine.  Personally I think you’d be a little strange to not feel a little sad at being alone for Christmas.

But that really wasn’t while I was feeling frustrated.  It’s just my life is in flux and I want it to be done.  The waiting is driving me crazy!  I guess at least work is a distraction from all the other things so trying to be lazy today just didn’t work. There’s something to be said for keeping busy.

Sometimes I also wonder if I’ve lost the ability to really relax? At least there is always Hawaii. I can relax there.  Or perhaps my version of relaxation is just busier as much as it drives me crazy? I don’t know? I’m not sure the best way to order my life?

Do any of you struggle with that?

Thanks for all the Christmas cards I got today.  That really cheered me up. I have the best friends!  Merry Christmas! (and yes facebook friends I do think chasing our childhood Christmases is a mistake.  Like the scripture says ‘When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [or woman], I put childish ways behind me.’. Part of growing up at least for me but still a lot to be merry about.

Anyway, so that’s my random thoughts on my day of laziness.

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